Movie Review

Black Swan is a movie about a girl who is a ballet dancer named Nina and just landed a lead role in Swan Lake as the swan.  In the beginning of the movie she is seen talking to herself about a dream she had the night before which I automatically knew would probably be schizophrenia, a long-term mental disorder of a type involving a breakdown in the relation between thought, emotion, and behavior, leading to faulty perception, inappropriate actions and feelings, withdrawal from reality and personal relationships into fantasy and delusion, and a sense of mental fragmentation. She also had a scratch on her back that we learn later on in the movie is self-inflicted.
When she lands the role of the swan her director informs her the she makes a good White Swan because she seems pure and innocent but lacks the ability to be a good Black Swan so he gives her lessons on what to do to experience the other side of her, which doesn’t work. The role is very competitive so Nina is willing to do anything to prove that she can play both roles. She meets Lily who is also a ballet dancer but is the total opposite of her Nina. She’s more edgy, upfront and laid back and that’s what the director likes in her. Afraid that Lily might get her spot, she gets more into the role of being a black swan. She starts doing drugs and starts being more and more paranoid. The scratch marks on her back become deeper but she doesn’t know why.
There was a scene in the movie where she went to visit a dancer that she replaced in what looked like a psychiatric facility. And she brings back all the things she stole from her because she said she wanted to be like her. The lady gets the sharp nail file that was returned to her and stabs herself with it and Nina runs away but the Nina realizes that she was the one holding the file.
Eventually she is in full black swan mode and her symptoms of schizophrenia become more noticeable. Her scratch marks on her back become more deep and she sees feathers starting to come out of her skin. She also sees her feet coming together to form the shape of a swan’s feet and her eyes become blood shot red. The actors played their roles very well but for someone who didn’t know about psychological disorders, this movie would’ve been really confusing for them.
At the end of the movie, after her performance she killed herself because that’s what the white swan does she was so into her role. She wasn’t treated for her disorder but if she were diagnosed with it she would have to go through life long treatment of medications and psychosocial therapy to help manage the condition. During crisis periods or times of severe symptoms, hospitalization may be necessary to ensure safety, proper nutrition, adequate sleep and basic hygiene.

ABCs

Amnesia- Memory loss that occurs without other mental difficulties.

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Bipolar Disorder- A disorder in which a person alternates between periods of euphoric feelings of mania.

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Classical Conditioning- A type of learning in which a neutral stimulus comes to bring about a response after it is paired with a stimulus that naturally brings about that response.

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Defense Mechanism- In Freudian theory, unconscious strategies that people use to reduce anxiety by distorting reality and concealing the source of the anxiety from themselves.

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Ego- The part of the personality that a buffer between the id and the outside world.

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Fixations- Conflicts or concerns that persist beyond the developmental period in which they first occur.

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Genital stage- According to Freud, the period from puberty until death, marked by mature sexual behavior.

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Halo Effect- A phenomenon in which an initial understanding that a person has positive traits is used to infer other uniformly positive characteristics.

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Id- The raw, unorganized, inborn part of personality whose sole purpose is to reduce tension created by primitive drives related to hunger, sex, aggression, and irrational impulses.

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Korsakoff’s Syndrome- A disease that afflicts long-term alcoholics, leaving some abilities intact but including hallucinations and a tendency to repeat the same story.

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Latent learning- Learning in which a new behavior is acquired but is not demonstrated until some incentive is provided for displaying it.

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Motivation- The factors that direct and energize the behavior of humans and other organisms.

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Nature- Nurture Issue- The issue of the degree to which environment and heredity influence behavior.

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Operant Conditioning- Learning in which a voluntary response is strengthened or weakened, depending on its favorable or unfavorable conditioning.

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Personality- The pattern of enduring charatersitics that produce consistency and individuality in a given person.

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Reinforcement- The process by which a stimulus increases the probability that a preceding behavior will be repeated.

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Self- actualization- A state of self-fulfillment in which people realize their highest potential in their own unique way.

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Tip-of-the tongue phenomenon- The inability to recall information that one realizes one knows- a result of the difficulty of retrieving information from long-term memory.

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Unconditioned response- A response that is natural and needs no training.

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Variables- Behavior, events, or other characterisitcs that can change or vary, in some way.

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Weight set point- The particular level of weight that the body strives to maintain.

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Erikson's Stages of development

Stage 1 Trust vs. Mistrust

I chose Count on Me by Whitney Houston because I trusted my parents and knew that they would be there for every cry. We created a bond and the lyrics "

Count on me through thick and thin
A friendship that will never end
When you are weak I will be strong
Helping you to carry on
Call on me, I will be there
Don't be afraid
Please believe me when I say
Count on me"  really relate to this stage in my life

Stage 2 Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt

Stage 3 Initiative vs. Guilt 

Stage 4 Industry vs. Inferiority

Stage 5 Identity vs. Role Confusion

Stage 6 Intimacy vs. Isolation 

Stage 7 Generativity vs. Stagnation

Stage 8 Ego Integrity vs. dispair 

Dreams

Day 1:

Went to sleep at 12:00 am

Woke up at 6:45 am

 

Day 2:

Went to sleep around 12:00 am

Woke up at 6:45 am

 

Day 3:

Went to sleep around 12:00 am

Woke up at 5:30 am

I had a dream that I went to the gas station and got lost. I couldn’t figure out where I was and I didn’t have a phone to call anyone. It was really weird.

 

Day 4:

Went to sleep around 9:00 pm

Woke up at 5:30

 

Day 5:

Went to sleep around 10:30 pm

Woke up 5:50 am

In my dream someone told me I had 11 days to live. Not sure who it was or what was going on but that’s all I remember.

 

Day 6:

Went to sleep around 12:00 am

Woke up around 5:50

I had a dream about being on vacation with my family. Then it switched to me being in a class at a school I didn't recognize.

 

Day 7:

Went to sleep around 11:00 pm

Woke up at 6:45 

Day 8:

Went to sleep around 11:30 pm

Woke up at 6:45 am

Day 9:

Went to sleep around 11:00 pm

Woke up at 6:45 am

Day 10:

Went to sleep around 11:00 pm

Woke up at 6:45 am

 

Day 11:

Went to sleep around 9:00 pm

Woke up at 5:30 am

My husband was living his dream as a professional football coach and we were living in another state without family and friends but adjusted well.

Day 12:

Went to sleep around 9:00 pm

Woke up at 5:30 am

 

Day 13:

Went to sleep around 11:30 pm

Woke up at 5:50 am

 

Day 14:

Went to sleep around 12:00 am

Woke up at 7:00 am

On average during the week I get about 7 hours of sleep. On weekends I get about 7 hours also. During the week I have school and work so it makes it a little hard for me to go to bed early. I try to go to bed early on the weekends since I have to be at work from 6:45 am until 7:00 pm but it doesn’t always turn out that way. I don’t really remember my dreams sometimes when I wake up but I tried my best.

Veronika Simms

Veronika Simms is a 41 year old Houstonian that loves football and is also a transgender. Before I met Veronika, I thought all transgender people were the same. I thought that they all dressed up as Drag Queens and transitioned to be with the opposite sex. But Veronika was just like anyone else. She grew up as a boy and did regular boy things as a kid. It wasn’t until she started going to elementary school until she realized she was a little different from other boys her age. She thought that the other boys were just more mature than her and that she needed to catch up. So she did all that she could to fit in.

When she got into high school, that’s when she realized that something was wrong with her. She tried even harder to fit in and even started to play football and was really good at it. But she still hung out with girls instead of the boys because she felt like she had more in common with the girls and could relate to them better. When she got into college she continued to play the roll of a man. She still played football through college and even worked as a bouncer for a club for 2 years.

After college she married a woman and they adopted two kids. She played Rugby, coached little league football and lived the typical suburban life. She hung out with her guy friends and was happy but remained hiding. She later got divorced in 2011 and about 6 months after the divorce she met and dated a transgender woman named Vivika. She says that she’s the one that helped her through her process of transitioning. She taught her a little about make up, how to dress, and even suggested a few plastic surgeons that can do her procedures for her which in all she spent about $34,000 on surgery for her face.

She now enjoys her life and says that she has met many inspirational people along the way. She is in good contact with her family and has no regrets about the decision she has made. She says she’s still attracted to women as a woman and is not in a serious relationship right now but rather “reliving her 20’s while in her 40’s”.

Letter to parents

Dear Momma & Daddy,

            To this day whenever I made decisions I wonder, “What would my parents say?” How will they feel?” or “What would they do?” I know a lot of times you may feel as if your work has gone unnoticed but believe me, you’ve taught me so much these past 22 years. You guys are hard working, unselfish, and have good strong moral values that you have instilled in me. I come across a lot of people that tell me that I am a very respectful young lady and I always tell them I have my parents to thank for that. You showed me what a partnership looks like, how to have good work ethics and supported me through everything. You have taught me what it takes to be a strong and independent woman, and you always made sure that I had what I needed and wanted. We may have been through some rough times but I will never know because you never showed it. I’ve never seen either of you cry or complain about anything bad you were going through. You made sure that we stayed in a child’s place and only worried about what children are supposed to be worried about.

            For a while mom, you were doing everything on your own as far as raising Tiffani and I because Daddy was working in another city. Even though you had his support mentally and financially, it’s not the same as having someone there for you physically for support. I never understood why you worked as an office manager Monday-Friday but on the weekends you cleaned the office for extra money, but now I understand. You made so many sacrifices for us and made sure that you spent time with us equally and showed up to games, concerts and competitions for both of us. I will never forget how much you supported me when I would pick up activities and quit because I didn’t like them anymore. Like playing the piano and basketball. You always wanted the best for all of your children and you did whatever it took to make sure that any activities we were involved in that we had the tools to be successful.

            Daddy, as a young lady I am so glad to call you my Daddy. Many girls are not as fortunate as I am to have such a good father in their lives. And for someone who grew up without a father, you did an awesome job at raising us! You taught me how to do things that men do so I would never have to depend on one. Even though I don’t remember all the things you’ve taught me in that category, I am still thankful for that. You showed me what a man looks like and what to expect in a man. My aunt (your sister) always told me, “you want to be with someone like your dad” and even though he’s nothing compared to you, I came pretty close when I married Matthew.

            You are both so wise and I could never repay or show you how much I appreciate you guys. But I will be forever grateful for both of you. You’re always a phone call away when I need you for anything. Now that I am a parent myself, I see how hard it is to raise children and being married isn’t an easy job either but your guys stuck it out for almost 30 years now. If I could, I wouldn’t change a thing about either one of you. I love you both and hope to measure up to your guys as I grow older. Thank you so much for believing in me and supporting me through everything. I love you both.

Sincerely Your Favorite Daughter,

Desi

Letter to child

My Avery Baby,

    As you know I had you at a very young age, I was 19 when I got pregnant and in my second year of college. I wasn't so sure about what I wanted to do with my life at the time and had just moved out on my own. I was engaged with your dad and we did not plan on having any children anytime soon since we were both still in college. I was on birth control and when we found out we were pregnant I was shocked. Then we really didn't know what to do but I know God doesn't make mistakes so I decided to just prepare myself the best way I could for the new life I was about to bring into the world. But I am so glad that God blessed us with you. I would not trade you for the world, but I would definitely give it to you if I could. You are only 2 years old and are the smartest little girl I know. The things you do just surprise me and I am so anxious to see how well you will turn out in the future. 

    The most important characteristics to me as a parent are to be loving, because everyone needs to be loved in this world. I couldn't image how it would feel to have a parent that doesn't love you or care for you. That is one of the key elements in our lives that we need to keep us going. And the last thing I would ever want you to feel is unloved. Another important characteristic is to instill moral values in you like my parents did me. To teach you what is right and wrong in society's eyes and in God's eyes.

            I want the best for you just like my parents want what’s best for me. I’m patient, hard working, loving, and honest, and I feel like those characteristics are what make me a good parent. I am working so hard so that you won’t have to.  You are a smart girl and so independent like me I just know you won’t have a problem doing what ever it is you want to do in life.

            Happy Birthday my beautiful Avery Baby,

Love,

Mommy